Forward

Moving forward in life always requires formation and preparation. This can feel like a lonely, weary place at times, but it is such a great position to be in. Moving forward means that you're moving away from a troubled past and severing its emotional holds. It means that you have a forward gaze fixed on something new. It can happen rather quickly, it can be a sequence of baby steps, or it can come in stages of both, but either way there is progress.

Personally, as I am preparing for the LSAT, graduation, law school, and a legal career, I look to God as my source of motivation and strength. So, this is my encouragement, and I'll share it for anyone else who finds it encouraging:

Prov 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

2 Cor 3:5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

Gal 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Jer 32:27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

And after much study on my part and trusting God's plan for my life, one day I can say as Paul says in 2 Tim 4:7, " I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

-Ashli

My Thoughts on CNN's Republican Debate of September 16, 2015

CNN's Republican Debate on September 16, 2015

It is annoying that Donald J. Trump continues to talk surface-level. It's time to know some specifics about his plans if he has any. I enjoy watching him spar with everyone on stage, but it is time to get serious. Secondly, I'm realizing that Dr. Ben Carson, although he is a wonderful, intelligent man, may be most effective if he stays in the field of his expertise. I noticed how his confidence grew as he spoke on the medical issues of immunizations and Veteran's Affairs, and it was significant compared to the way he speaks about foreign policy or immigration. I've supported him for the past two years, and he has some great ideas for America. However, he is incredibly knowledgeable and gifted in the medical world, and he can do a lot of good there. He would be a great Surgeon General or head of Veteran's Affairs. I'm not saying he would not be a great president, but this is just an observation I made. Thirdly, Marco Rubio and Carly Fiorina really impressed me, and they just might be the powerhouses America needs to fix these foreign and domestic issues.

And now that I've brought Fiorina up, let me say this: it is unfair that some are judging her for using the word "women" too much last night or accusing her of having a feminist agenda, which apparently makes her unfit to run for president. Excuse me, but haven't we seen the promotion of the male agenda going on for, like, all of history!?! Of course, we don't call it a male agenda because that's just the norm...it's a man's world, right? Wrong! Women still don't have pay equality. We still don't have as many women in political office as men. We still have the issue of many women being unable to obtain a degree and career because American customs say the woman should stay at home with the kids or else pay a buttload in daycare services. (There's nothing wrong with staying home with the babies. It was a blessing to be home with my kids when they were younger. I'm just saying that it is quite a burden for moms of little ones to work outside of the home or go back to school if she chooses to.) And don't even get me started on the issue of the sex trade and prostitution in America where women literally have a price tag, which is another representation of women degradation. So no, I don't think she has a feminist agenda, I just think she is in touch with the real issues that women face, and that awareness makes her a great candidate.

I'm not pushing for Fiorina either. I have some issues with her background. I have some issues with all of the candidates on both sides, so I'm still bouncing around.

-Ashli Carroll

How Is He Mine

How is He Mine?

By Ashli Carroll 

             On a fall evening in rural south Alabama, the usual Friday night crowd gathers in my mom and dad’s backyard to kick off the weekend. The music is loud, the adults talk and laugh, and the kids play outside. Country life affords a child some liberties; at only eight years old, I’m a good driver, and my ride of choice is my dad’s four-wheeler. I love the wind in my face as I race through the long, winding trails on the property. But tonight, I’ve been kicked out of the driver seat.

“Let Amanda drive,” my dad yells over Lynyrd Skynyrd booming from the speakers.

I don’t particularly like this teenager from down the road, but I had to comply. Three of us climb onto the four-wheeler: Amanda up front, my cousin Crystal in the middle, and me in the back. Amanda zooms up to the main road and quickly leaves the property. As Amanda increases speed, the pavement passes underneath us like a blur. I hold Crystal tight.

“Amanda, go back. We’re gonna get in trouble,” I yell.

My warnings go unnoticed. Amanda has discovered some trails located behind an abandoned field two miles from my parents’ property. At the back of the field, the tree line opens to reveal a narrow entry point, and Amanda embarks slowly. After turning sharply to the right, we plunge five feet down a bank and cross the shallow creek to the other side. Instinctively, Crystal and I lean forward as our dads have taught us so that we help the four-wheeler climb up the other side. The woods seem unfamiliar in this eerie blackness. Crystal and I are quiet...there’s no laughter or excited squeals like these trails usually incite. Fear grips my chest. Crystal squeezes my arms so I’ll hold her tighter. I track our location, but the total darkness and Amanda’s speed disorients me. Suddenly, we hit a dip that jolts us forward. My head slams into Crystal’s. The steering column jerks and our driver can’t hold on. In an instant, we crash and come to a complete stop. The four-wheeler goes dead. It was unnervingly quiet. My ears ring and my eyes struggle to adjust to the pitch-black night. Amanda jumps off in hysterics. I reach to turn on the headlights, and the illumination startles her.

“The battery is fine,” I said. “Someone will see us if they come looking.”

“We can’t wait that long,” Amanda said impatiently. “My house is somewhere around here. You two stay put and I’ll walk to get help.”

“No!” I yell to stop her from leaving. “We are not splitting up. You don’t even know these trails!”

Crystal screams in pain and won’t move, so Amanda and I work together to help her off. She moves slowly and can’t stand on her own. We carry her around to the light. Her right leg is mangled and covered in blood.

“She can’t walk. You’ve got to carry her, and I’ll try to lead us out of here.” I instructed Amanda.

Something shifts in me. With the realization of our great danger comes the fact that it’s up to me to get us out of here. I feel so small compared to the task, and there’s an overwhelming need to rely on something bigger than myself. God? But would He care? I don’t doubt that He exists – I think He is good and bigger than I can imagine, but is He so concerned about me that I can rely on Him for this?

“God? Please help us,” I whisper as my mind races to form a plan.

This plea comes from somewhere deep in me. It’s not the bedtime prayer I recite every night. It stems from a sense of insignificance – I’m just a kid, I’m not capable of leading us out of here. But I have no choice. If this great big God really does hear me, then He will come.

 Amanda hoists Crystal up on her back and we head off in the glow of the wrecked 4-wheeler’s headlight. It soon gets dark again – pitch black in spots where the trees cover the moon’s glow. After making some progress, Amanda grabs my arm.

“There’s something following us,” Amanda’s voice cracks.

We stop to listen. The sound of crunching leaves comes from behind. A chill goes through me as I realize that Crystal has been losing blood since the scene of the accident. Coyotes have tracked us down.

“Run!” I yell.

But the trail splits up ahead. Panic clouds my thinking. It is at this moment, lost in the middle of pitch-black woods and about to be devoured by predators, that God shows up.

“Let’s go this way,” Amanda urges as she heads down a trail to the right.

Go straight, I heard, but not with my ears. It seemed more like instinct or a clear thought than a voice…but it wasn’t me. A sense of peace came over me as I realized that God is answering my prayer.

“No, go straight.” I refuted.

The course is overgrown. Limbs and vines hit us in the face as we battle through what seems like powerful force field. We break free and run. Suddenly, I notice hard road under my feet. We are out, and I see headlights coming our way. My heart settles at the familiar glug-glug sound of my dad’s old Chevy, which is so loud that it scares the coyotes away. We are saved.

           The accident wrecked my dad’s four-wheeler, exposed a careless teen, broke Crystal’s leg, 
and thrust me into a leadership role. They call me brave – a hero even – for my leadership that night, but the truth is I was just a scared little girl who dared to believe a great big God cares. That moment when God spoke to me defines my relationship with Him. In all the dark nights of my life, I know that He’s there. I am His, and He is mine.  

A Letter from My Beloved

I see that you feel underestimated, unappreciated,

But I knew you before your time.

I am so thrilled that you are Mine.

Precious, there is not one thing that I would do over.

Even the things you hate I allowed them to be.

The world may underestimate you.

You may be unnoticed,

But deep within

A flame is burning.

Its glow is so warm and so magnificent.

No other power can outshine Its light.

I dare the world to strangle it out of you.

I see their efforts to take you down.

I see as they have tried and tried again.

Little girl, hold on tight.

You are more valuable than you even know.

The lies wonder through your mind,

"There is no reason to keep your life." 

But the truth resonates in your heart

That you were fearfully and wonderfully made

For such a time as this.

Be healed from the pain the world so generously gave.

It is time to move on from the grave.

Good Bye 2011

2011 has been a year of breakthrough!! Just in this year the personal growth I have experienced is mind blowing. God has become more real to me than I ever imagined He could be. My distorted view of Him is long gone and my adoption as a daughter of the Most High God continues to grow in understanding. He, becoming my "Abba", my Daddy God, has taken the place of so much hurt and woundedness. I've prayed for so long that my life's experiences and traumas wouldn't be for nothing, but that they would become a platform for ministry. I believe I'm seeing the beginnings of that. There is not much else that I desire in this life other than to be most effective for God. My heart goes out to those who are trapped in their pain and who are lulled into complacency or accepting that life can't be any better for them.  I am finding my voice. The voice that was taken away, the voice that was afraid to speak. God has given me the strength to battle my issues and overcome deceptions of the enemy so that I can find and use my voice, and I fully intend to.

Another major breakthrough we have seen this year has been in our marriage. Robert and I attended the 2gether + 4ever Marriage Conference a couple of months ago, and it has rocked our world. We were at our end, and within a week, God restored our marriage. At the end of that conference we renewed our vows along with others who received healing in their relationships, and had our first dance together after 7 years of marriage!! We never even realized how uncomfortable we were with looking at each other in the eyes, until we were asked to do it. Our marriage is continuously being restored and we are more in love now than ever before. We are truly united and connected.

The last area of breakthrough has been the most recent...OUR FINANCES!! Since day 1 we have struggled in this area, but after hearing our Bishop say for the 10380347984594th time, "You deserve what you tolerate!", something finally clicked in both of us and we knew we had to step up our game in order to have financial peace. It has been tough, but God is blessing our efforts.

We haven't "arrived" and we are "there" in any area, we are just realizing that we can't have control anymore. 2011 taught us that God needs to be first and in control. It's been about trust and relationship this year. We have seen some amazing heights, and we have seen some despairing depths, but God was with us in all of it. Even when we were doing it our way. We got so tired of seeing things work out the same broken way.  We had to surrender our control and our way of doing things. I've learned that what we went through today prepares us for what's coming tomorrow. Going through the hard times is truly worth it; the character building is needed, growth is necessary. Without growth, we die.

This isn't our testimony, but just a quick summary of the good things that came out of 2011. I hope one day to share all of what God has done. He truly has blown me away at how He's always there. He defends me, teaches me, loves me, gives to me...I  see Him becoming my Everything, the first One I run to when I'm happy or sad or hurt or whatever!

And I can't end this note without saying that God has put some AMAZING people in our lives.. We are under incredible leadership and people who want to see God's best for our lives. I think it's fair to say that without them we would not have been encouraged to make it even this far.

I hope one day I get to say more, but I just couldn't let 2011 go by without sharing just a little bit ;)

Love,
Ashli

A Memory in a Jar

What if we could keep memories in a jar? Just stored away so that when we wanted to, we could just take it out and relive that moment in time...like seeing your baby's first smile again or hearing their little baby laugh, feeling the excitement of the future on your wedding day, playing with your grandparents when you were little and they were still young...man, that would be awesome!

If I had a memory jar it would be full of things like...camping out at the river when I was little, cutting 4-wheeler trails with my cousins in the woods, riding the tractor with my Granddaddy, getting my first guitar, driving by myself when I was 16 and feeling so independent, meeting Robert at that tiny little church on a cold night, holding my sweet babies when they were so so tiny...and all of the wonderful things that are to come.

Maybe it's good that we can't hold on to our memories in a tangible form, like in a jar, because if we did, we would keep reliving those moments and not be open to our future and all that God has planned. Sometimes the good memories of the past are more comfortable than the unknown of the future.

But I hang on to Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." because this tells me that my future isn't exactly unknown. God knows it and has actually planned every detail of it, it may be unknown to me and that's fine because I know I'm not ready for what my future holds. I am not developed enough to be able to handle what God's going to have me doing 10 years from now.

So, because of Jeremiah 29:11, and so many other places in the Bible I can think of right now but I'll spare you the reading :), I can be ok with not having my special memories locked up in a jar waiting on me to come visit again. I know that what my future holds is worth moving on for.